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radhika: means the essence of fragrance ... that's how a loving father pacified his heart-broken daughter, when a school bully teased that she would never marry her lover, just like radha never did. according to the myth though, the name radhika is derived from aradhana (worship), and is associated with krishna as his 'forever' love and greatest servitor. me? nah, i'm just a simple little girl with a biiiig smile, because the bully had been wrong all along... yesterday... don't take that road at night a stitch in time... all dressed up and nowhere to go someone owes us an explanation. right? flavours of the month beautiful people why happy buddays should remain happy a minor-surgery-break, and a tube journey (c)all for a surprise another diwali, another lesson food blog yoghurt-rice (thairchadam) easy to make, tasty and refreshing anytime...no wonder it's the top favourite of south-indians worldwide. inside are some alternative ingredients to the same recipe too... more... why i am reading the namesake "do i remind you of that night?" "not at all," his father says eventually, one hand going to his ribs, a habitual gesture that has baffled gogol until now. "you remind me of everything that followed." more... bookmarks praveen mahesh nidhi savio deepu acchan amma hari ratheesh bbc south asia bbc uk around 999 words...  archives February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 January 2004 August 2003 July 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 October 2001 September 2001 August 2001 July 2001 June 2001 May 2001 April 2001 March 2001 February 2001 January 2001 December 2000 November 2000 October 2000 September 2000 August 2000 July 2000 June 2000 May 2000 |
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© praveen.radhika |
August 27, 2002
happiness is a colourful little bubble, and right now i'm in it :-)
the thought occurred to me umpteen times even as my feet carried me unwillingly through the two hour-four-train-journey from hemel hempstead in hertfordshire, to burgess hill in west sussex. even as i flipped my ticket between my fingers while waiting for my trains, wondering whether i should turn back, and noticed the 'return ticket' punched on it accidently...i could turn back!
i was probably enjoying one of the happiest times of my life -- married only for nine months; hardly two weeks in a new home, and a just week away from my first job abroad...why then did i sign up for a serious course that would keep me away from my loving husband not for one or two, but ten full days, and make me work hard from 4:30 am to 9:00 pm every day?
it was too late to reconsider. i had reached my destination and a room was allotted to me. fighting against all the big NOs running in my head, i decided to stay. today, eleven days later, i'm glad i did.
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a very large part of me is a dreamer, but i like to think of myself as a very simple (read, practical) person. i'm not very good at philosophies. i do not have a degree in health science. i have but one life and i try to live every moment of it. perhaps that is why vipassana appealed to me.
discovered by the buddha in india over 2500 years ago, this meditation technique was lost to the country and was preserved in little pockets around the world. burma was the one country that retained the technique in its purest form. without going into too many details however, here is what i think makes it worth giving a fair trail...
if i were to shape the human mind, i would call it a fish. a fish that, with its eyes on either side of its head, can see left and right but can never look straight ahead.
that's how our unruly minds are. try keeping your attention focussed on one object for just an hour, and you'll know what i'm saying. we are constantly haunted by our past or dreaming about the future, and in the process we forget to 'live' in the present. our only connection to here and now is also ironically something that is taken for granted the most. the air coming through our nostrils that keeps us alive. our breath.
vipassana teaches us to tame our minds, by simply concentrating on our own respiration. no religion attached, no chantings, no gods, no souls. our own breath, very practical, very scientific. this serious technique requires a ten-day silent retreat (initially), a wholesome vegetarian diet conducive to the 12-hour daily meditation, sprinkled with generous breaks of course, to have lots of water (highly recommended), stretch your legs, or relieve yourselves.
my understanding of the whys of the technique
-- the ten-day resolve to not-speak to anyone (except the teacher in case of any questions/difficulty) helps maintain the energy you need for meditation, and keeps you from discussing your experiences thus distracting your co-meditators, or getting distracted yourselves.
-- the light diet ensures you remain healthy and yet don't over-stuff yourself lest you doze off in the meditation hall.
-- the meditation itself -- you'll be amazed at how concentrating on your respiration alone sharpens your mind greatly, leaving you very alert and aware, and yes, very refreshed.
-- there is no fee for a vipassana course; it is run by donations given by people by their own free will, after the duration of their course. we human beings like to be pampered...we need to have a style of living, and when we pay we expect a certain service. but this is a serious course and does not accept money from you, thus teaching you to live the life of a monk for ten days.
as you progress in the course, your mind is tame enough and trained to run throughout your body, and calmly observe every sensation in and around it. soon, you learn to apply it to your reactions to situations in life itself -- be that of desire, anger, jealousy, sorrow or even extreme happiness. continued practise of this technique is said to slowly have a cleansing effect on you, giving you insight into your own constantly changing emotions, so you do not suddenly find yourself attached to any one of them. that's how vipassana (pali for 'to see things as they are'), teaches you to be aware of the ultimate reality underlying all of them...impermanence.
of course there's more to it that this theory. according to the principal teacher s n goenka, one research scientist who greatly benefited through vipassana tried to get to the depths of the technique. he compared it to one of the processes in metallurgy, where a large metal is cleansed of all its impurities by passing a(nother) ring of pure metal around it. the outer ring, being pure, acts as a magnet to weed out even the smallest of impurities in the larger metal.
applying this theory to vipassana, he said concentrating on your breathing in and out makes your mind sharper also making you aware through self-observation, that it is the only reality in your life, and that everything else is impermanent. this becomes the ring (of pure consciousness) and when passed through your body, liberates you of all hidden emotions of cravings and anxieties accumulated over the years.
what vipassana is not...
-- a plot to convert you into a 'buddhist'. even though you are asked to leave your religion and gods aside, and take the five precepts of the buddha, it is just for the ten-day period, after which you're free to go back to what you want to do.
-- a ten-day escape from reality. on the contrary, you gain an insight into your own self, making you equanimous in every situation in your life.
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as for me...
i have discovered that waking up an hour earlier to meditate daily (at least, so far) does set a self-discipline of some sort. i can finish my work faster because my mind doesn't wander all around the place, leaving things half-done as i used to before. i've not been nagging praveen since i've come back (though that does *not* mean he can push his luck too far ;-) i'm looking forward to lead a happy busy life from next week onward, when i begin working at mantra, and my status changes from homemaker to employed, homemaker :-)
the best benefit: i'm not complaining and whining so much about my back problem anymore. i simply observe the pain and know some day it might go away...because like everything else in life, this too will change.
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more reading:
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ps: many thanks to my friend prakash advani, also a regular vipassana meditator, for helping me with this post.